MEANTIME GIRL

She's the one you call when you're bored or sometimes when you and your significant other had a fight because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's the one you spend time with between buddies, before you find the OneE You know the one who hangs around in the meantime. She's too laidback, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable Eshe doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a real woman does. But she's cool, nice, funny and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need an intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother that you would text her sometimes just to say not to text you because you're with your girlfriend. She's just sooo coolEhy can't all women be like that? But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs --- she could play the hard-to-get b***h like the rest of them does, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's not really your type. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. She's just too thoughtful. She's sometimes buy you things you need; she'sl sometimes buy you or cook midnight snacks for you and personally deliver it in your place. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has the bigger heart than any woman you're ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although youre given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is. She's just your convenient excuse to fool around. Anyway, yeah. I'm a Meantime Girl. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy to know who ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry too. A lot. And someday we wont be around.

MEANTIME BOY

He enters your living room without hesitation because he knows he's always welcome there. You can never completely get angry with him because you'll forgive him anyway (why expend the energy on that?) There's no real pressure to look good for him, or to domesticate yourself, because hell, he probably cooks better than you do. you don't get disappointed when he doesn't open the door for you, or perform any of the perfunctory genteel mannerisms frequently assigned to a "gentleman" (ergo, a prospect). if he sees you as a buddy, then you really don't quite see him as a "man"... much more the "gentle" kind. But that doesn't mean these signs of breeding are alien to him (it's just that around you, he can slip up and live to see the next day). More often than not, he's one of those dudes on top of the food chain. Why else wouldn't you mind having him confused as a boyfriend? And the mere fact that he doesn't mind (well, not really) being seen with you says he sees you being in that level too - especially if he has to contend with the are-you-guys-together interrogation as well. And admit it, the pestering questions from well-meaning people are well-founded. You've both acquired the mannerisms of an old couple - there are no awkward silences, no trite comments, no hesitations. Physical intimacy can stretch from holding hands to cross the street to a prolonged embrace when one of you feels bad. It's true, you're around each other when life's vicissitudes erupt. He'll be the first person at your doorstep, maybe even getting there before you do, because you told him you were just fine (wonderful, could't be better) - and he recognized the devastation in your voice . And you, you don't even need to say how proud you are of him (how awkward can that be!)- you knew, you believed in him way before he did. Where your relationship is is where other couple's relationships should be - given fifteen years or so. Only you've had this chemistry too soon, way before either one of you will ever recognize just how irreplaceable it is. It was never the result of time, negotiation or compromise. It's just one of those things that came too easily, so naturally it's laughable to call it precious (it's so many other things - just NOT that word). It's like telling a piano prodigy to practice when he can play Mozart's Symphony in E Minor after one listening. Just plain absurd. But admit it, being around this Meantime Boy has given you an inkling of what it would feel like to be with The One. What you feel when you're with him - how secure, how profound or how silly you both can be - these are the stuff you need in lifelong commitments! Think about it. He's probably seen you sweat it out on the track (thus disproving the myth that girls don't sweat), just as much as you've seen him develop one too many love handles. Not even for charity will you ever HAVE TO take it easy on him in the court. He's had one too many fashion faux pas for his own good, mispronounced so many words you've lost count and he probably farts in front of you. On the other hand, he's seen you have bed head, trip on your feet, and cry like a baby when John Kofi gets the chair. Almost perfect, isn't it? Just add mad, incredible passion (the one missing ingredient) to this comfortable stew and you've got someth! ing so rare it will leave you breathless. So the truth is Meantime Girl, there is a reason for this meantime-ness... and you better have the good sense to know it's not to wait for him to snap out of his immaturity (or for you to make the first move-neva!). He's your Meantime Boy because you need to learn from him what truly ennabling relationships are - and not to confuse that with those that are disguisingly constricting. He's around because you need to recognize the primacy of friendship (that's why FRIEND is the bigger word in GIRLFRIEND). He's there because you need to believe that you can be seen as a thinking human being - and not the commodity so closely associated with your gender. The Meantime Boy grants you the liberty to love - because while he is an accomodating recipient of your affections, he silently gives way when someone else steps into your life. He gives you THAT look, the don't-you-dare-fall-in-love-with-me Care Bear Stare whenever your get your ends all mixed up. Don't despair and take heed: his very indifference is his gift to you. By being oblivious to your adoration, he sets you free to be someone else's forever. And when this man, this god, finally arrives to sweep you off your feet, he'll marvel at the perfect jewel you are: how you never begrudge Sunday Night Football, how you confidently possess your own mind and project the very essence of graciousness. And why wouldn't you be? You've had years of practice.